Being accountable vs. being obessive

Warm banana oatmeal this morning, with a tsp of sunflower butter and peanut flour protein muffin. It needed something else, berries maybe?

Oh Monday… why are you so inevitable? I hear that it’s another beautiful day outside… but until later this afternoon, I’ll just have to daydream about it.

This is another one of those “getting real” posts- just some thoughts running around in my brain and a little re-cap of some issues I encountered over the weekend.

On Friday night I was looking over some photos from a few years ago. I remember when some of those pictures were taken and thinking I looked “fat” in them. I was about 10-15 lbs. less than what I weigh now. Looking at them now- I think I looked thin and healthy- and great! I would love to look like that right now! It made me a little sad and mad at myself for beating myself up so much back then. My opinion of my body was so morphed.

Curiosity got the best of me on Saturday morning, and I stepped on the scale. I just wanted to see where I’m at- if my last month of changing up my workouts big-time has had any impact- positive or negative. I should’ve been more mentally prepared for the truth- or maybe I should have just thrown my scale out a while ago altogether. I saw a number that is higher than anything I’ve seen in about 5 years, and it freaked me out a little bit. That number also reflected 12 lbs. gained since my wedding in July. I just stood and stared in disbelief- how is that possible?? I eat healthy and exercise. And yes- I snack- but definitely not to the tune of gaining 12 lbs in less than 3 months! What if I keep gaining weight? What is going ON? I even said to myself when I cut out half of my hard-core workouts during the week that I might even gain a little weight as my body adjusts to the new routine, but then it would even out and THEN I would start to lose. I’ve had my cortisol tested before, and it’s extremely high due to physical stress (caused by over-exercise) and all of my new habits should be making that level A LOT lower. Man, I hope so.

It put me in a bad mood for the rest of the morning. Of course, I took some of it on Greg because he has never had a weight problem and can eat whatever he wants and not gain a pound. And clearly- this is not his fault and he shouldn’t have to apologize for it ever. Honestly, sometimes it’s really hard to battle with your weight and body image and be married to someone who is naturally thin and doesn’t have to make any effort to stay that way. I need to just constantly remind myself that I can’t punish him for my own issues- I have to deal with them.

Luckily I was able to get out of my funk after by late morning and got out and enjoyed the rest of the day without thinking much about that horrible number on the scale.

SO. I have to do something. I need to get this extra weight off in a healthy way. I need to gain control of my mindless eating that occurs in the late afternoon/evening when I get home from work. I need to be accountable for what I am putting into my body because those little bites and handfuls of things add up and completely sabotage the healthy lifestyle I live otherwise. I want to be back where I was and really appreciate it this time- and be comfortable in my body and really appreciate it for all it does for me.

My question is: Can you be accountable without being obsessive? I have found that when I food journal or calorie count or do “points” or anything like that, I get so wrapped up in it. I want to be care-free about it… but is that really reasonable right now? Should I just bite the bullet and do what I know will work and really see exactly what I am consuming each day? I would assume that I probably eat anywhere up to 500 extra calories from mindless snacking every day. And that’s what’s having such a negative impact on my “diet.”

I haven’t journaled anything today, but can recall everything I’ve consumed. It’s so easy when I’m at work, but when I get home- will I be in that “accountable” mindset still?

And really, when it all comes down to it it’s just food after all. Just food.Β  It’s not evil. It’s essential to life and it doesn’t control me and I can’t let it.

So, what do you think? What’s the best way to be accountable without being “obsessive?” What works for you? Thanks for any thoughts. πŸ™‚


16 Comments on “Being accountable vs. being obessive”

  1. maybe your’re pregnant…? πŸ™‚

    don’t worry so much, you have a blog dedicated to all things healthy, you know what to do girl. i always gain 10 pds then drop it, it’s just a cycle. just enjoy your life. πŸ™‚

    if you really wanted to try something different though, investigate colon hydrotherapy.

  2. Lauren says:

    Lol, Krista. Maybe I’ll be one of those women on “I didn’t know I was pregnant.” No, really. I’m pretty sure I’m not.
    Just enjoy life… I’m trying. I do well most of the time, but then I get those little hiccups from time to time. I would love to know what life is like without feeling like the fat girl- hard habit to break after 20 years!

    • Gil says:

      Or switching pills maybe? I can track like a champion but those 10 lbs the drug companies warn about get me every time…
      Super frustrating to have to take back off, but I just try to stay on the winning side of the battle…

  3. bakebooks says:

    I think the key is to NOT think about it. The more you worry, think, obsess about your weight and body – the more you will struggle.

    Drop it.

    Live life. Find interests. Fall in love with YOU and something greater than you – and then the weight is just what it is.


  4. I think it is possible to be accountable. I know in the beginning I was being ‘obsessive’. But that quickly was put under control.

    Tips what works from me:

    -Use a 9″ plate for meals (w/out piling on)
    -Track exercise via
    -Track meals in the beginning of trying to lose weight and/or when I start feeling like I am getting off track
    – Choose healthy sides. Instead of fries, I will ask if they have fruit or veggies. Instead of a regular burger, I opt for turkey or veggie.

    Hope it helps. And the best to getting back on track!

  5. Hey girl! My heart goes out to you!! That is a hard, hard battle, and I’ve been there and it seriously stinks.

    however, YOU can do this. There is power in exercising for the right reasons (instead of being obsessive about it).

    I have found for me that NOT weighing myself actually helps more than doing it (because then it makes me obsessive), however, it is a great tool to see where we’re at.

    For mindless snacking I reign in it by drinking tons of water, really figuring out if I am hungry or in need of something social/emotional (usually it is THAT. haha), and obviously exercising. I think sleeping enough for me is a BIG one as well. Plus, talking it out helps a lot-so kudos for you to writing it all down! I too have a husband who eats whatever he wants, and is thin/healthy/musclular. However, he LISTENS to his body in a way that has made me much more conscious of that. SO talking to him about it had helped me tons in the past 2 years–because he just makes it so easy–he stops when he is full, he eats when he’s hungry, and he goes on with his life after eating. It was such a remarkable thing to me after years of so much struggle, I remember just sitting there at the dinner table totally in awe. Now, thanks to him, I am much, much happier and healthier!

    Oh, and for the record, lifting weights has made me SO much healthier and happier and NOT obsessive. But, as you probably know, lifting can cause slight weight gain at the beginning, but it WILL decrease over time. Muscle just simply weighs more than fat, but ends up taking less space (so clothes fit betteR). SOrry for the saga! I just feel your pain. All the best!!

    • Lauren says:

      Thanks, doll! I have been lifting for years and definitely have a good amount of muscle (and I love that). I am thinking of going back to Body Pump because I used to do it faithfully 3-4 times a week. I stopped because I just needed to change things up. But, actually, when you posted about it yesterday it got me thinking about it again. There’s an instructor that I really like that teaches tomorrow, and I know she’d be thrilled to see me back in class. My gym is launching the new release on Thursday though, so I’ll have to wait to try that one out.
      I swear, I can probably still remember all of the choreography for the releases from 2 and 3 years ago by heart. I really need to just suck it up and do the certification so I can teach it! πŸ™‚
      Oh- and what you said about your hubby listening to his body and feeding it when it’s hungry- mine is so good about that too. I need to just learn to do that.

  6. Beth says:

    I COMPLETELY agree with you – there’s such a fine line between being obsessive and being accountable and it’s still something that I struggle with daily. Unfortunately for me, while in my ideal world I would be able to just eat mindfully and not track/journal and lose/maintain my weight, I have tried it and it never works that way. If I don’t track at least some of the time, I gain weight. Simple enough.

    I have written about it recently, but what I have been doing now is looking at tracking as a tool rather than a negative thing. I use it how I see fit, and track loosely on the weekends/going out, and track more rigidly when I don’t have much going on besides my normal work day. It works for me, and though its not completely unobsessive, I think it’s as balanced as I’m going to be while maintaining my weight loss, and I’m finally getting to a point where I’m OK with it!

    • Lauren says:

      I was wondering if you were still counting points and writing everything down, now that you’ve gotten to your goal weight. Do you think you’ll do that forever?
      I think that’s what I’m afraid of- that I’d do it forever.
      I didn’t actually write down everything I ate yesterday, but I was very conscious of it. And I didn’t eat anything mindlessly- it was actually a perfect eating day. And that’s cause for celebration in my book! I feel like every day like that is a triumph, and now just think “alright- now let’s go for two days in a row, then three… and so on.”
      Thanks Beth πŸ™‚

  7. There’s such a fine fine line between accountability and obsession. I know blurring that line has gotten me into trouble in the past. I wonder instead of counting calories, if you focused on more mindful eating. When you’re eating in the afternoons, maybe try to stop and figure out why you eating (if you’re not hungry). I think for lots of women weight, food, and emotions are incredibly connected. So maybe there’s an emotional reason behind your mindless snacking.

    Personally, I think you look great now! But I also understand why you’re not happy with your weight. If you are able to eat mindfully, I think that your weight will adjust to your body’s happy weight which I’ve learned (unfortunately) is not always the weight you want.

    • Lauren says:

      Thanks, Sarah πŸ™‚ I’m sure you know- someone call tell you that you look great, but you know how you feel. I’m not going to beat myself up- I look fine- I know that. But, I don’t feel fine- and that’s where I want to get back to. And really, I’d rather think I look “great.” I’ll get there.

      I did focus more on the “why” I’m eating yesterday, and I did a great job! As you know- every day like that is a victory, and you just have to keep on going!

  8. Maybe try portion control rather than counting calories?

  9. Brie says:

    Babe- I think some of your answers lie right here…evidence that you’re not alone (it just feels like it sometimes) in that there are a lot of us out there struggling with the same exact thing and evidence that you’ve got a lot of folks always ready to support you no matter what your weight. Armed with those things you can do anything! One day at a time and don’t get discouraged– I think that’s key!

  10. Kat Cuttitta (Hoffman) says:

    Hey Lauren- I am stalking your blog now since you posted it on Facebook :o) I HAD to chime in on this one. I will preface this by saying I have no useful advice for those ten pounds, let me know if you figure it out! However, you are GORGEOUS! You have always been, I always thought you were soo cool in high school and I am not surprised that you’ve grown up to be a super cool adult! Obviously some stalker from when you were a kid is not going to resolve body issues with one lame comment but I just wanted to let you know that I always envied you a little.

    Also, you were 1/2 of the most awesome duet the Optimist Club has ever seen, WHAT! lol

    • Lauren says:

      Kathy- this gave me the BIGGEST smile ever! You’re the best- love you girl!
      And I always thought YOU were the coolest (and you’ve ALWAYS been gorgeous- still are!)

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