If at first you don’t succeed…

… dust yourself off and try again, right?

I wish I had better news. I wish I had a big loss tonight at my first WW weigh-in. Or a loss, period.

Well, technically I did.

I lost 0.2 lbs. That’s right- 0.2 lbs.

I think I was in shock when the leader told me the news. I kept it together and got in my car and drove home.

As soon as I got home, I went straight upstairs into my bedroom, and I cried.

Crying out of disappointment, frustration, confusion, anger… how could this be?

I ate less, I ate mindfully and followed the plan.

How could I not lose more weight? I lose more than 0.2 lbs when I go to pee!

Greg came upstairs and consoled me and hugged me and told me that I was beautiful no matter what, but it didn’t help. I just needed to get it out. I needed to be angry, I needed to cry. I needed to get it out, get over it, and move on. So, that’s what I have to do.

I need to think about what I could have done better… what I can do for next week to see a loss. Maybe I compeltely underestimated my points this weekend when I had two nights of dinners with friends that were centered around food? I know that I ate really good things Sunday night- but I still ate TOO MUCH. I felt full and icky- that’s something that I need to address. Maybe overeating sabotaged my diet?

Losing weight is extremely hard for me, and this is my reality. It hasn’t always been, but it is now. And I’m still really not sure how to do it. The “normal” rules don’t seem to apply to me. All of the damage I’ve done to my metabolism is mostly my own fault, and it’s just something that I need to repair over time. I guess this battle is definitely going to be a marathon and there is no quick fix. I just have to believe in the process and stick with it.

I will not let that number on the scale define me. I know I’m strong, I know I’m fit, I know I’m healthy. I just want to be comfortable in my body, and I’m so far from it. I’m definitely not skinny- I definitely could lose a few pounds- and that’s all I want to lose- a few.

All of that being said, I still just feel like it’s not fair. It’s not fair- but get over it.

I have two choices now: give up, or keep going. I’m choosing the latter. I’m not (and never have been) a quitter.

Thanks for all of you in Blogland that give me so much support each day. It really means a lot!


14 Comments on “If at first you don’t succeed…”

  1. Nikki says:

    Sigh. That must have been so discouraging! What seems to help me is trying to get tunnel vision on what is in front of me rather than what is behind me–e.g. looking at tonight, tomorrow and gently changing my thought pattern if I keep coming back to “I’m disappointed that I’ve gained three pounds,” or “I’m upset that I ate that second piece of pumpkin bread when I was already really full.”
    Also, there are a lot of us out here struggling and working through it too, if that helps:)

  2. Sara R. says:

    Oh man, I’m sorry you didn’t get the loss you were hoping for šŸ˜¦ Maybe your body just needs another week to start responding? I’ve heard many people at WW say that their loss tends to reflect what they did 2 weeks before more than the past week. Hang in there, you know WW has helped you eat better this week and you know you’re leading a healthy lifestyle so that’s a positive thing no matter what!

    • Lauren says:

      Yeah. I fully expected to lose at least 1 lb. I just really needed at least that to give me confidence. Maybe it was eating my weight in squash and bananas on Sunday that did it? šŸ™‚
      I’m going to eat less of the free veggies that are much starchier this week and see if that makes a difference.

  3. Jenny says:

    I agree with Sara. My weigh-ins seem to lag behind a week. If I do really well with eating and exercise one week, I usually don’t see those results until the following week. Likewise, if I have a calorie heavy week, I tend to gain the following week. Don’t sweat it, you’ve got this!

  4. Emerson says:

    Fairly new follower- but had to chip because gosh, have I ever been there!

    But truly: the scale means absolutely nothing. In fact, at my leanest I weighed the heaviest. I was spinning, running, swimming, and doing yoga religiously; I probably spent a good 4-6 hours a day working out…and could not understand why I was gaining weight! Then, an accident put me out of commission for two months, and I immediately started losing weight.
    Now, I am a good ten-fifteen pounds lighter…but can barely run a mile.

    Also, keep in mind that most women fluctuate 5-10 lbs throughout the month!

    The scale is only really good for two things:
    – weighing before and after to determine how much water you have lost during a workout.
    – assessing weight loss as a consequence of disease or pathologic condition.

    Otherwise, it is complete b.s.

    And like you said, you are strong! And fit! And healthy! You go, girl! Skinny can wait. šŸ™‚

  5. Fit Talker says:

    It’s still a number headed in the right direction. The first week is totally an adjustment period.

    Plus, maybe starting up with Body Pump again is making your muscles stronger and therefore maybe they’re a bit heavier. I’m not sure, but it sounds logical.

    Chin up, you’re on the right track and doing great!!

  6. Gil says:

    A loss is a loss no matter how small! If you can enjoy a week of healthful/fun eating AND not gain but actually loose, that sounds good to me. After all, thats how the weight sneaks on to begin with, right? So if it adds up in .2 increments as you gain, it’ll add up on the way back off too. Joe always encourages me not to let (pretty arbitrary) mental expectations collide with the actual science of how the body works…so dont get discouraged!

  7. Oh girl. I am so sorry. I bet that was super disappointing!! But, know that you are NOT alone. THe scale is a whole bunch of b.s. because it does not accurately measure how FIT and HEALTHY you are.

    however, with that being said-you have goals and desires. Totally understandable. Keep going–the weight WILL come off, even if it is slow, it is better for it to come off a little bit of a time and STAY off then to lose tons of weight during an injury and gain it all back once you start your normal routine again. Be thankful for the small successes and the overall goal will be even sweeter! Cheers and props to YOU for talking about it and sharing your frustrations. I bet that was a huge step for you šŸ™‚

    All the best girl!

    Oh, and for the record, body fat percentage loss and/or body fat loss comes with clean eating, lifting heavy (go BodyPUMP go!!), and getting in some interval training. SO keep at it, girl! it will come šŸ™‚

  8. Bah, I’m sorry about your disappointment about your weight loss. Each body reacts differently to different food situations or exercise routines. This might seem like a ridiculous question but did you eat all of your points? I’ve found that if I didn’t eat all my points, I actually lost less weight than when I ate all of my points.

  9. […] Yesterday was my day to weigh in at WW. I tried not to get my hopes up too much, but also knew that I did everything correctly this week- I did not overeat, I used my points every day (and used a few extra, as I was told to do), so in the back of my mind, I was hoping for a much better loss. I figured that a bigger loss this week would outweigh the super crappy one from last week. […]

  10. […] I mentioned a while back that I have a severely screwed-up metabolism, and that a lot of that is due to my own actions. I […]

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