If at first you don’t succeed…Posted: November 9, 2011
… dust yourself off and try again, right?
I wish I had better news. I wish I had a big loss tonight at my first WW weigh-in. Or a loss, period.
Well, technically I did.
I lost 0.2 lbs. That’s right- 0.2 lbs.
I think I was in shock when the leader told me the news. I kept it together and got in my car and drove home.
As soon as I got home, I went straight upstairs into my bedroom, and I cried.
Crying out of disappointment, frustration, confusion, anger… how could this be?
I ate less, I ate mindfully and followed the plan.
How could I not lose more weight? I lose more than 0.2 lbs when I go to pee!
Greg came upstairs and consoled me and hugged me and told me that I was beautiful no matter what, but it didn’t help. I just needed to get it out. I needed to be angry, I needed to cry. I needed to get it out, get over it, and move on. So, that’s what I have to do.
I need to think about what I could have done better… what I can do for next week to see a loss. Maybe I compeltely underestimated my points this weekend when I had two nights of dinners with friends that were centered around food? I know that I ate really good things Sunday night- but I still ate TOO MUCH. I felt full and icky- that’s something that I need to address. Maybe overeating sabotaged my diet?
Losing weight is extremely hard for me, and this is my reality. It hasn’t always been, but it is now. And I’m still really not sure how to do it. The “normal” rules don’t seem to apply to me. All of the damage I’ve done to my metabolism is mostly my own fault, and it’s just something that I need to repair over time. I guess this battle is definitely going to be a marathon and there is no quick fix. I just have to believe in the process and stick with it.
I will not let that number on the scale define me. I know I’m strong, I know I’m fit, I know I’m healthy. I just want to be comfortable in my body, and I’m so far from it. I’m definitely not skinny- I definitely could lose a few pounds- and that’s all I want to lose- a few.
All of that being said, I still just feel like it’s not fair. It’s not fair- but get over it.
I have two choices now: give up, or keep going. I’m choosing the latter. I’m not (and never have been) a quitter.
Thanks for all of you in Blogland that give me so much support each day. It really means a lot!