Adjusting… and Feeling FatPosted: April 12, 2012
I’ve got to share this photo first. I took it of the boys the other day while they were napping in the kitchen.
There’s nothing like using your brother’s butt for a pillow!
Not too long ago, I was presented with the opportunity to teach four additional group exercise classes (two Spinning and two Bodypump) in addition to the two Spinning classes that I’ve been teaching for the last three years. Since I absolutely love teaching group exercise- I jumped at the chance! And bonus- I’m already working out those days- so why not get paid for it?
While I am absolutely loving teaching all of these classes, it is taking me a little bit of time to adjust to. This is my group exercise teaching and personal workout schedule currently:
Sunday: 8:30 am Spinning class(I almost always practice the latest Bodypump release beforehand)
Monday: No classes (I usually work out on my own this day or go running outside or take a dog for a walk)
Tuesday: 5:30 am Spinning class
Wednesday: 4:30 pm Spinning/5:30 pm Bodypump
Thursday: No classes (I do yoga)
Friday: 4:15 Cycle Express (30 minutes)/5:00 Bodypump
Saturday: No classes (Work out on my own and/or hike)
Last night’s classes were awesome by the way. I didn’t have a lot of people attend the 4:30 Spinning class, but the Bodypump class afterwards was packed and full of energy! I just can’t wait until we launch the New Release! I generally have a bar (something between 150-200 calories) to fuel me through the two hours of workouts. I also bring a Blender bottle with me to make a protein shake for the ride home. I finally tried out the new Vega One powder (in Vanilla Chai, of course):
I’m not usually a fan of mixing protein powder with just water, but this was really, really good! It was so creamy and not watered down- and I mixed it with 12 oz of water! I just wish these weren’t so pricey!
Right now, Wednesday is the only day that seems really crazy. I leave my house for work at 6:30 am, get home a little after 3:00, try to quickly make breakfast and lunch for the next day and change/get my gym bag ready, and then am out the door by 4:00 to go teach. I get home around 7:00, and luckily, Greg has taken on dinner duty for Wednesday nights. This is what I came home to last night:
Greg said “We have like five bottles of Rose! I figured that I should open one.” I don’t really drink during the week, but had a few sips. And it was good!
I also saw this going on in the backyard.
I witnessed Jackson jump in the flowering tree and break off a branch and then run around with it to tease Lance. Greg made him give it up (also, dogs can get really sick from eating flowers!)
Dinner was grilled chicken breast, broccoli and a roasted Japanese sweet potato.
Simple and delicious.
Wednesdays involve a lot of running around and I’m totally exhausted by the end of the day. Even though I teach back to back classes on Friday, it doesn’t seem nearly as hectic, because I don’t have to do anything to get ready for the next day. And Saturday is my only morning that I get to sleep until I feel like it and don’t have to set an alarm. BUT- I’m not complaining, because I truly LOVE having the opportunity to teach others to get healthy and stronger and to love exercise. Like I said, it’s just taking some time to adjust.
We have less than two months left in the school year, and things will lighten up a TON in the summer. I’d actually take on another Bodypump class on Mondays if the opportunity presents itself!
A lot of things have been going on in my life recently that have really made me re-evaluate what it important to me and what I think I want to do career-wise. It’s all kind of scary, but also exciting. I’ll be able to share more details a little later on, when things are figured out and official.
On to another topic… where I complain about my body.
I’ve also been really struggling with my weight loss lately. I’ve been maintaining, which is better than nothing, but my motivation to lose body fat kind of went away about a month ago when I fell off the wagon. That doesn’t mean the desire to lose weight has gone away at all though- I just honestly haven’t been strong enough to do what I know works (which is mindful eating and steering away from unplanned snacks). It’s the little things that keep getting me- like not being able to keep my spoon of the nut butter jar, or grabbing a few crackers from the pantry- a bite of this, a bit of that- all of it adds up and is the reason that I’m not seeing the results that I want. I am NOT the type of person that can eat whatever I want (or even just splurge a little) and just burn it off in the gym. There’s days are over.
Here’s the thing: I feel really uncomfortable in my clothes- and in my skin. There’s this layer of fat around my middle that just needs to get lost. I find myself wondering if students in my group exercise classes are thinking “wow, she’s a good instructor, but she’s kind of fat…” This should be enough motivation for me to get my butt in gear, right?
I had made a goal to lose a few pounds before Blend. Nothing unrealistic- even 5 lbs. would have been great. I want to get into that next “decade” of weight (which I’m like a half a pound away from). But that hasn’t happened. Again, I have that nagging fear in my head that when people meet me they’ll think “huh, she’s fatter than I thought.” It’s a little intimidating, because I look at these other bloggers who have rock hard abs and awesome bodies that work out just as much as I do and seem to be able to eat everything and anything they want- and my body just does not respond in that way. In reality, I know that all of these women are amazing and don’t care if I have a six-pack or potbelly… I just can’t help but feel self-conscious.
If you’ve ever been a fat girl (which I was my whole life- well, until my late 20s anyway), can you ever get past that fat girl mentality?
I was really, really good about eating mindfully the last two days and went to bed both nights not feeling full at all- which is a change. I woke up the last two mornings feeling really good about my choices the day before and like “I’ve got this!” It’s SUCH a good feeling to wake up to, and I just need to find a way to harness that great feeling and motivation and keep it going. And not to mention, I just feel “lighter” when I wake up. I know you might be thinking “Two days? Big deal!” But, to be honest, every single day is a struggle for me. It’s not a struggle to eat healthy foods (because that’s pretty much the only thing I eat)- it’s a struggle to listen to my body and eat for the right reasons. I don’t know why, but it’s just been so tough for me to do that lately.
I miss that confidence that I had a few years ago- when I felt like I could wear anything- and do anything! It’s silly that about 15 lbs. are what is standing in the way of me feeling like that again. But really, I need to clarify that. It’s NOT about the number on the scale. I just happen to know that the 10-15 lbs that I’ve gained over the last two years has really changed how confident and comfortable I am in my skin.
I know that following Jackie’s plan really works for me. Like I said, I just need to harness that good feeling and motivation and keep it GOING!
I just needed to get that out and be honest, because I haven’t been feeling too hot lately. On top happier things tomorrow. 🙂
Does your work schedule ever get crazy? How do you deal trying to fit everything in? Do you struggle with self-confidence issues?